It has been 10 years since I have been married, going on 11 years and 10 years since the start of the trials and tribulations, as some would call it. Let me go back to the engaged part of my life, then maybe everything would begin to make sense to you.
I was dating this guy, who is now my husband I thank the Lord for, who was the son of one of my mom’s best friends when we lived in my childhood home. We dated for about 1 year before we got married so we knew each other and each other’s families pretty well, considering they all knew each other back when I was just born. I remember the process for my parents when they go the news that my boyfriend wanted to marry me. They were happy and excited but deep down sad and hurt that I would ever leave them especially for this man.
I really didn’t realize how much my family said they “like him” was actual truth and what was lied about until the wedding came and gone. We both were happy and in love, wanted to live our lives together as a small new family. What I didn’t realize was the hurt and jealously from my family towards my new husband until it was too late.
Sad, sorry, and confused was how I was feeling about how they treated him and me at the same time, I thought they were a loving family and accepted him as their son they never had. Things that we went through our first 2 years of marriage was insane. Everyone we talked to about our situation thought “how could that be? Why would a family do that to you guys? You both are so wonderful.” Most of it was my fault for not standing up to my family when they said hurtful things or sent letters about how I should leave my husband and that it was okay to divorce. But what really happened was that 2 years later, my parents split up and divorced because they were unhappy and not able to make their own marriage work.
That’s when I realized the drama that unfolded in my life. Everything that I knew, that I grew up with, that I believed was a complete lie! I thought my family was like a rock, strong and supportive! I was devastated when I heard that. It threw me over the edge because all of my life, I thought I had a great and loving family, towards me and towards them and everyone else. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would become a child from a divorced family, especially at my age. My family was destroyed in an instance. Once things were brought to light, I knew the pressure and criticism that they had put on me and my husband was really they being unhappy with their marriages. To this day it still hurts me that my family is no longer a family. Things change in an instance and I have had to learn to adapt to them.
But, my rock who was there with me through this troubling time was my husband. He was supportive, listened, and inspired me to not cut all ties with my family because of how angry I was at them for doing this to our family. Encouraging me to continue my relationships with them, as hard as I wanted not to was the best thing he ever did. I love him so much for that and so glad that he was there. If it wasn’t for him, I would not have a relationship with either my mom or my dad. They are the only ones I will ever have and I am thankful for that. Things are still not the way I want them to be but we are moving forward, but then backwards at the same time as I find out more information about them and get upset and angry again. Some things you just can’t forget, and new circumstances arise…
Stay tuned for Part 3