Well, as things progressed in the divorce, the family took sides, mostly by being influenced by others. I didn’t want to take sides at all but being persuaded was very easy in my family. After time though I realized why I was being persuaded by one and not the other, being guilted by one and not the other. It was just a couple of years of having my emotions being pulled in both directions, not knowing which way was up, having to agree with both of them. It was not a fun time. I really learned a lot about my parents in those couple of years and how much they really loved each other and their children (my sister and I). I also learned what they did to others when they themselves were hurt by people, not fun either.
Thinking about everything, looking back at what went on, and seeing reactions that I have never seen before I have come to a conclusion…There is never an easy divorce and no matter how old your children are, divorce really hurts them in ways the parents don’t even understand or can comprehend (unless they themselves are children of divorced families).
What can I say? I have been scarred with divorced parents for the rest of my life. Our traditions of family over with both parents on holidays and non-holidays are gone completely. The way they see each other have been disoriented forever. They will still blame each other for the divorce, that will never change. They have moved on with their lives but not without some deep resentment for the other. I also believe this has definitely affected my life now and in ways I do not even know yet. Some ways are being self-conscious, quiet, non-confrontational and asking myself, “Is my life going to end up like their’s?” or the really hard question, “how do I truly love my husband and the rest of my family now?” And other ways where I should be blessed that they are still alive and love me very much. It’s a life learning lesson as I learn something new every day, week, month, or year.
These are questions that will hunt me I think forever. I will and am still dealing with the divorce, don’t think that is going to change except over a period of time. It’s emotional going through something like this but, because of my husband, I am a stronger person now than I ever was. He has been my miracle and a blessing in my life that I thank God every day. I keep searching and researching for things to help me through this time in my life, talking with others about it and how to live again with all these changes. It’s a lot easier now but still hurts when I think about it. I am still emotional as I type out this story, because for me this was when I was Serially Lost.
For those of you out there hurting, remember that “this to shall pass” famous words that my mother-in-law always tells me. Life gets easier but not always right away. It takes some time, some learning, and some growth. I have been bless with some good people in my life that have helped me through this hurt and pain. Hang in there and everything will be okay in time. If you want to contact me about your story, leave me a comment below. I would love to hear from you and how you have learned to cope through your hurt and pain or who was with you in your life. As you have read, I have gone through the same thing and it’s not easy to talk about it but telling you this helps me let it go and forgive again. So hard but so true…